According to my attorney, the hearing went well. I was so nervous and anxious I thought I might throw up, pass out, or both. As usual, I cried through most of it. Even though my attorney had told me what to expect, my anxiety levels were pretty high. In fact, I twisted and almost shredded several tissues throughout the meeting.
The judge started out by asking questions about my physical limitations. I was under oath to tell the truth about anything he asked. I explained how I have a hard time standing or sitting for long periods of time and how my arm and especially my hand are almost always numb and/or tingling. Next my attorney focused on my mental issues. He had me talk about my suicide attempts and also my hospitalization. To finish off, the judge asked a work specialist what kind of jobs he felt I could do physically. The specialist said that I could do small parts assembly or laundry folding. When the judge asked him about my mental ability he said that he doesn't think I can handle a full time job. The judge asked a few more questions and then the hearing was dismissed.
After the hearing was over my attorney met with me and my parents to explain what happens next. He said we will have to wait 4-5 weeks for a decision. If the judge rules in my favor then I will be sent some forms to fill out in order to get my money and pay the attorney. I will also qualify for Medicare and so I will have to figure that out. If I get denied then my attorney will help me decide whether or not to file for an appeal.
Last week I got a letter stating that it could take 4-6 months for a decision and up to another three months before I get paid. In other words it is still a waiting game.
The last few weeks I have been fighting to keep the depression away. I can feel the negative thoughts and feelings creeping in. I find myself crying for no apparent reason. In fact, I stayed home from the temple today because I don't feel good, Deep down I know it is the depression causing me to feel this way.
I have started back at work preparing for preschool to start. As Miss Sandra and I have been cleaning we have been listening to a motivational speaker. It has been very interesting. He has shared some ideas on how to deal with stress on one CD and on another he shared an experience similar to one I've had about the Atonement. It was very uplifting.
School starts next Tuesday and I am looking forward to getting back into a routine. I love being around the little kids and seeing their faces light up when they learn new things. I feel so much love for and from those wonderful children. I am hoping that by getting back to routine and being around the kids that I can more easily push the negative thoughts aside and focus on the positive