It has been seven years since I last saw my maternal grandparents alive. Seven years ago the world lost two amazingly wonderful people. They were my heroes.
It was the day of my missionary farewell. Some of my family and friends had gathered after church to eat and visit. It would be the last time I would see many of them until my mission was over. My grandpa & grandma, Reed & Loa Fae Palmer, had traveled from West Valley, Utah to Castle Dale/Orangeville to hear me speak.
 We had a nice visit and then around 2:00pm they decided to head back home before it got dark and the weather got bad. Since I didn't have to be at the MTC for two weeks I was going to spend some time in Nevada with my parents and then a few days in West Valley with Grandma & Grandpa. We hugged and said we would see each other in a few days.
The next day I went to work at my three jobs and then again on Tuesday. Tuesday was my last day of work and then I would finish packing and head to my Gardner grandparent's house to spend the night before heading up north. I had no idea of the news I would get when I got off work that evening.
I had been living with some good friends and when I got home two of the girls were playing while the others were out and about. On the kitchen counter was a note telling me to call my aunt. It looked like an old paper but I asked the girls if they knew whether it was from that day or not. They didn't know so I decided to call her just in case. When she answered the phone she said that she hadn't called but that I needed to talk to my mom and she started to get very emotional. I became concerned thinking that maybe something had happened to my dad. I asked her what was wrong and she finally told me that my grandparents were missing. I couldn't figure out what she meant. My grandparents were home safe in the Salt Lake Valley, weren't they?
As I sat in shock I just couldn't accept the news. I hung up the phone and then called my mom. She told me that some snowmobile riders had found Grandpa & Grandma's Cadillac sedan on a mountain road above Joe's Valley Reservoir in Sanpete County, Utah. It was stuck in a four foot snowdrift and my grandparents were not in the car. There was a search party currently looking for them. I immediately knew that they were not going to be found alive but even though I was very sad about that realization, I felt at peace because no matter what, they were together and everything would be okay.
I think I was still in shock and had to sit down. I sat in the middle of the kitchen floor and started to cry. The two girls were concerned and came and gave me hugs. I finally decided to call a friend to come give me a Priesthood blessing. When the girls' dad returned he and my other friend gave me a beautiful blessing of peace and comfort. I was told that everything would be fine and that I should be happy for my grandparents. I also felt very strongly that I would use this experience as I taught the Gospel on my mission and that it would be a great tool in helping others to understand our Heavenly Father's Plan of Happiness.
When I calmed down I packed the remainder of my stuff in my car and drove to my other grandparents house. As I got closer I could see a sheriff's department vehicle parked in front of the house. I immediately knew that they had found Grandpa & Grandma Palmer. I also knew that they hadn't made it.
I walked in the house as the two members of the sheriff's department were explaining where they had found the bodies. I think we were all in tears and yet there was a peace in the room and we knew everything was going to be okay. I don't really remember much else about that night except for a deep sadness that I would not see these two wonderful people again in this life.
Over the next week or so, we received such an outpouring of love toward us and witnessed the impact these two amazing people had had on their community and those who knew them. Before we had a chance to leave Orangeville the next day, Fox13 News showed up to interview Mom. Most of the local Salt Lake news stations aired stories of my grandparents and the tragedy that had befallen them. They also did human interest stories that talked about all the wonderful things that my grandparents had done in their lifetimes. Almost everybody who had ever met my grandparents had loved them and there were so many people who wanted to pay their respects
The viewing was held one week after they had gone missing. It had been scheduled for a couple hours but ended up going more than four. The people just kept coming. The funeral was the same way. There was literally standing room only. E Reed and Loa Fae were very well loved by all.
Grandpa had been known as the "bike man." He had started fixing and building bikes as a hobby to earn a little extra money especially after he retired however he ended up giving away more bikes than he sold. When he would meet a child he would ask them if they had a bike because every child needed one. If they couldn't afford one he would tell them that was okay because the only payment he needed was a hug. All the kids in the neighborhood knew that if they had a flat or needed something else fixed they just had to give Reed a hug and he would gladly fix it. Grandma would mumble about how they never had any money because Grandpa did every thing for free yet we all knew that she was actually very proud of him. At the funeral many of the kids from the neighborhood, and even some adults, tied yellow ribbons on the handlebars of their bikes and parked them on the lawn in front of the church.
The summer after my mission my parents and I had the opportunity to find out where Grandpa & Grandma were found. We felt like we needed a little closure. My parents were in Utah for several days and since it was a nice summer day we decided we would take a ride up the mountains and try and figure out where they had been. Dad called the investigating officer to see if he could give some general directions and an idea of where they had been. The officer had the day off and volunteered to lead us up there and show us and tell us what had happened.
Anybody that is familiar with highway 29 knows that you don't try to attempt going over the mountain in the winter. My dad says that even in summer there are times when you can't go over without four-wheel drive. We had told my Grandpa that for years. It is not a good road even though it shows it on most maps. Just past Joe's Valley Reservoir as you head up the mountain you hit the switchbacks and then what is called the White Dugway. Usually this road is closed in the winter. We were going up in a Dodge Ram 1500 in the summer time and trying to imagine going up in a Cadillac sedan in the winter. It was hard to imagine. How did they get that far. They had traveled something like four miles in the car before it got stuck in a snowdrift. They had then left the car and traveled a few more miles on foot going uphill instead of back the way they had come. Apparently they had been following fresh snowmobile tracks. Grandpa's body was found first. He looked like he was going downhill and had just collapsed. They went back about 600 yards and found Grandma just off the road under a tree. It looked like she had just fallen asleep. We will never know in this lifetime what made them go that way in the first place but it is still reassuring to know that they had been together.
Grandma was a quiet person and preferred to stay in the background but she was loved as much as Grandpa. She had made many floral arrangements for the church building and for many people in the ward. She also did wedding bouquets. She had made the bouquets for all of her married granddaughters. I kind of felt sad that she hadn't made mine. We had talked for years about buying the flowers and just getting it made so I would have one when I finally do get married but for one reason or another it never happened. However, after my mission I learned that I had inherited the bouquet that she had used as a display for years. I am so happy to know that on the day I finally get married I will, like my sisters and cousins, get to hold a bouquet made by my grandma.
Grandma and I had a lot in common. She was like a best friend in a lot of ways. We had similar likes in clothes, food, window shopping, and especially in collecting dolls. I knew I could always ask Grandpa for advice and that he would never say no when it came to needing a Priesthood blessing. These angels were and still are my heroes. I miss them every day. I can't go to the Salt Lake Valley without wishing I could stop in to visit.
People began to ask me if I was still planning on going on my mission or if I would postpone it. I didn't know why I should. Sure I was sad but I knew they were in a better place and that staying home even if just for a little while wouldn't do them any good or myself for that matter. Grandpa had always wanted to serve a mission. He hadn't done so as a young man and had only served a service mission close to home. He was very into missionary work though and had been serving as the ward mission leader. I remember the day I told them that I was going and the reaction he had was wonderful. I couldn't not go because I knew my decision had made him so happy and I had a feeling that he and my grandma would be watching over me. My mission was hard and many people blamed the deaths of my grandparents as a big reason for the depression that I went through during and after. To this day I have never felt that that had anything to do with what I went through. It was their time to go and even though I missed them I knew they were together in a much better place.
I'm sorry for rambling on so long. I love my grandparents and this time of year is hard for all the family. I know that I will see them again.I am so grateful to my Father in Heaven for providing a plan in which we can all be together again someday after this life.
I miss you Grandma & Grandpa and love you forever!

Obituary
Elton Reed Palmer 1932 ~ 2007 Loa Fae Heaps Palmer 1933 ~ 2007 Elton Reed Palmer, beloved father, grandfather, great-grandfather, brother, uncle and friend, left this mortal experience January 30, 2007 under tragic circumstances. Born September 28, 1932 in Union, Utah to Elton Walter and Farrel Genevieve Carlsen Palmer. He was the eldest of two sons, his brother Gale Lavell (Marjorie) survives him. He married his high school sweetheart, Loa Fae Heaps on January 25, 1951 in West Jordan. They were sealed for time and eternity on January 25, 1961 in the Salt Lake Temple. His life was one of service and love. He served in the House of Representatives. He was very active in the LDS Church, serving in many capacities including the high council for about 18 years. He served in his community in many ways. He will probably best be remembered as the "Bike Man". Loa Fae Heaps Palmer loving mother, grandmother, great-grand-mother, sister, aunt and friend, left this earthly realm January 30, 2007 with her eternal companion. Fae was born January 24, 1933 in Escalante, Utah to William Nelvin and Violet Lucille Lancaster Heaps. She was the second child of five. Her siblings are Darrell Reed (Josie), William (Sharon), Alice Judy Christensen (Gerry). The couple were blessed with four beautiful daughters: Shauna Lee (Lyndon) Gardner, Spring Creek, NV; Susan Fae (David) Rivers, West Jordan; Sheryl (Lynn) Bristol, West Jordan; Tamra Lynette Baldwin, Sandy. They were then blessed with 10 grandchildren plus six in-law-grandchildren; 11 great-grand-children and two on the way, rounded out their posterity. They were preceded in death by their parents and Fae's sister, Beth Ward. Funeral services will be Monday, February 5, 12:00 noon at the Kearns East Stake Center, 4731 South 4300 West. A viewing will be Sunday from 5-8 p.m. at a different church, Academy Park Ward, 4605 West Westpoint Drive (4610 South) and on Monday at the Kearns East Stake Center from 10-11:30 a.m. Interment, Murray City Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, contributions may be made to Utah First Credit Union.

Elderly couple freeze in wilderness By Nate Carlisle
The Salt Lake Tribune Published February 1, 2007 1:23 am This is an archived article that was published on sltrib.com in 2007, and information in the article may be outdated. It is provided only for personal research purposes and may not be reprinted. WEST VALLEY CITY - The sign on the Palmers' house says "Reed's Bike & Trike."
But Elton Reed Palmer didn't run much of a business. He gave away a lot more bicycles than he sold, and he seldom charged any child for a repair.
"Every child in the neighborhood knew if they had a flat tire on a bike or a scooter, they could go to Reed and he would fix it," said Catherine Solomon, a neighbor to Palmer and his wife, LoaFae Palmer.
No more children will be running to the Palmer house with their bicycles.
The Palmers, both 74, were found dead Tuesday in central Utah. Police believe they died from exposure.
The bodies were found on State Road 29 in Sanpete County, about seven miles west of the Emery County line. The couple's car was located about four miles west of the line, stuck in the snow.
Residents in West Valley City's Academy Park neighborhood, where the Palmers lived, choked up Wednesday as they remembered the couple.
From 1979 to 1982, Elton Reed Palmer, who went by his middle name, served the neighborhood in the Utah House of Representatives. He sat on improvement associations and was credited with helping to bring the neighborhood a park known today as Welcker Memorial Park.
The park used to be an empty lot full of grasshoppers; the weeds would catch fire every summer.
"Reed was Mr. Academy Park," said resident Joe Praag. "He did a lot for this neighborhood."
Solomon said Reed Palmer was always offering to help someone with a household project.
"Probably not a day goes by you wouldn't see him out in his truck riding around trying to help, trying to see what he could do for other people," Solomon said.
Speaking to The Tribune at the couple's home on Wednesday, Tammy Baldwin, one of their four daughters, said her father took up fixing bicycles after he retired.
He would introduce himself to new neighbors and ask if the children had bikes, Baldwin said. If kids didn't have bikes, he would give them one, often at Christmas, she said.
"He would fix them for a hug if they didn't have money."
Loa Fae Palmer, who went by Fae, sewed and painted. Her canvas paintings of forest and mountain scenes adorned the Palmers' home on Wednesday. Other craft projects went to family members, said Shauna Lee Gardner, another Palmer daughter.
Reed Palmer had retired from working as a Realtor and for Deseret Bakery. Fae Palmer had earlier worked at a floral shop.
The couple were in Orangeville, Emery County, on Sunday for a farewell celebration for their granddaughter, who is leaving for an LDS mission to Tucson, Ariz. Gardner said the couple left Orangeville about 2 p.m. Sunday to return to West Valley City.
Fae Palmer didn't like traveling on U.S. Highway 6 through Spanish Fork Canyon, and the couple must have decided to take State Road 29, Gardner said.
The couple's Cadillac became stuck in the snow on a gravel section of the road that authorities say is impassable in winter. The Emery County Sheriff's Office said a passer-by reported the abandoned car Monday afternoon.
On Tuesday, Emery County sheriff's deputies on snowmobiles followed footprints going west from the vehicle. Fae Palmer's body was found about three miles from the car. Her husband's body was about 3 1/2 miles from the car.
The Cadillac had gasoline in its tank, which makes authorities believe the couple began walking shortly after the car became stuck in the snow. Emery County Sheriff Lamar Guymon said they not wearing warm clothing.
The couple were walking toward Ephraim, about 30 miles away, and there are no houses or lodges along the way, Guymon said.

I have been reading several articles and things about depression, trials, and adversity, and have come across several talks from my favorite Apostle, Elder Holland. I haven't always appreciated his talks but as a missionary I came to really love what he has to say. I now have many quotes and stories that I use in my life that inspire me to try and do better. At one time I even had some of them written out and hung on my wall to read every day.
While I was in the MTC we watched a video called "The Miracle of A Mission." Elder Holland was speaking to a group of missionaries. I was having a hard time and dealing with anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. A few quotes that stood out to me were, "Don't give up, don't ever give up!," "Salvation is not a cheap experience," It was not meant to be easy...It will never be easy...It was not easy for our Savior." and "Don't feel sorry for yourself." I tried often to think of these quotes as I served. It wasn't easy. It was the hardest experience I have had in my life. Even though I didn't serve a full mission, I will never regret the opportunity that I had and the lessons, such as these, that I learned.
Yesterday I came across a talk he gave in General Conference in April 2006 titled, "Broken Things to Mend." I remember reading this talk on my mission and many times since then. One of the things he said that stuck out at me was, "...come first to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Trust in heaven's promises. In that regard Alma's testimony is my testimony: 'I do know,' he says, 'that whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions.'"
Elder Holland goes on to say, "There can and will be plenty of difficulties in life. Nevertheless, the soul that comes unto Christ, who knows His voice and strives to do as He did, finds strength, as the hymn says, 'beyond [his] own.'"
I have tried to rely on my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and also am trying every day to put my trust in God. It isn't easy. I struggle every day. Just because I have a testimony doesn't mean that I won't have trials. That being said, I know that it is because of my testimony that I have been able to get through a lot.
This past October in General Conference, Elder Holland gave a talk titled, "Like a Broken Vessel." He specifically addressed mental illness such as anxiety and depression, focusing mainly on MDD - major depressive disorder. This is one of the things that I have been diagnosed with. Elder Holland talks about how there was a time in his life when he went through a fit if depression. He also mentioned others such as Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, and the eighth president of the Church, George Albert Smith. Many people deal with depression in some form. Elder Holland gave advice to those friends and family members on how to handle situations when their loved ones are depressed. He also gave great advice for those of us who have it.
One of the things that stood out to me in this talk was: "God's love never changes...It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God's love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there."
I love Elder Jeffrey R Holland! I have felt the reassurance of the Spirit that he is called of God. I don't always remember the things I know especially during the really dark hours but I am trying. I do know that my Savior has paid the price for these thoughts and feelings that I struggle with. I am extremely grateful to men such as Elder Holland and all the General Authorities of the Church, including the prophet, Thomas S Monson, who give us council and advice to help us through whatever trials we may face in this life.

Seven years ago I was preparing to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I had been called to serve in the Arizona Tucson Mission. I was to report to the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah on Valentine's Day, February 14, 2007.
The eight months leading up to my mission were pretty busy. I was working three jobs and was trying to fit in interviews with the bishop and stake president as well as all the doctor and dentist visits I had to have. I also had to find time to shop for clothes and the other things I would need.
During that time period I had wrecked the car I had been driving. Luckily nobody was seriously injured. I had some minor illnesses and a few instances where my anxiety got a little out of control. When my stake president was getting ready to submit my papers, he told me that I might have to see a mental health counselor before I got my call, but that everything else looked good. A few weeks later I received my call. I was nervous, scared, and excited all at the same time.
Two weeks before I was to enter the MTC, tragedy struck our family. People began to ask me if I was still planning to go. I told them of course I was and wondered why I wouldn't. It had been a hard decision for me to make at first. I had never imagined serving a mission. However, once the decision was made I knew without a doubt that that is what I was supposed to do. I was at peace with the tragedy and didn't doubt that I should still go.
When the day arrived I was a nervous wreck. I had been given a wonderful blessing when I was set apart the night before. That morning my dad and grandpa gave me another blessing. The rest of the day I tried not to think to hard about the reasons I was nervous and tried to concentrate on what I needed to do to serve the Lord. I didn't even cry that much when Mom and Dad left, although I did cry that night when I went to bed.
The next weeks were completely overwhelming. I felt so completely inadequate and kept comparing myself to my companion and the other missionaries in my branch who seemed to know so much more and have so much more confidence. I had a wonderful branch president, Bruce Dickerson, who seemed to take me under his wing and do everything he could to help me have a good experience. One day, as the time was getting closer for me to leave, he pulled me aside and asked what he could do to help me feel like I was ready to serve. I told him I didn't know. I kept thinking that maybe I should just go home, that maybe I wasn't supposed to serve a mission after all. President Dickerson asked me if I would like to stay a couple weeks, if it were possible, and get more familiar with the things I would be teaching and also to get some mental health from the counselor I had started seeing there. As we talked I felt one of the most peaceful feelings I had had since entering the MTC.
 The next few weeks were still tough but I felt a reassurance that I was where I was supposed to be. I had the opportunity several times to bear my testimony of the Plan of Salvation to my districts and others as I taught. I was trying hard to draw nearer to my Savior and put my trust in him. President Dickerson had several sayings that he would use as he taught or as we would visit. One was, "When things are hard, then things are good." He seemed to use that one a lot. I decided to write it down and hang it in my room where I could see it all the time. He also called me his hero for being able to work through the challenges and try my best to do what the Lord would have me do. I would the tell him that he is my hero. He became like a surrogate father and I came to love him as such, He set such a wonderful example in everything he said and did.
A few days before I was supposed to finally leave for Arizona, I got sick. On a Saturday night in March 2007, Pres. Dickerson came in and saw me as I was sitting in the hallway with my studies trying not to throw up. He told me to go to the main desk and get something and then go back to my room to sleep. When I got to the front desk they had me call the doctor who then sent me to the ER at Utah Valley. After several hours it was determined that I had gall stones and that I needed surgery to have my gall bladder removed. The doctor planned to do the surgery on Tuesday, the day I was supposed to finally fly to Arizona.
Pres. Dickerson and his wife, Marci, came to the hospital to be with me. Things went well, but I ended up staying the night because I had a hard time coming out of the anesthesia. I spent most of the remainder of the week in the sick room at the MTC. By the following Saturday I was still not bouncing back and was sent to the ER again due to dehydration.
On Sunday afternoon, I was asked to speak  with Pres. Dickerson and also the district president. I was informed that my parents were on their way from Nevada and would pick me up the next day to take me home. They felt that I could recover faster there. I was devastated!!! I had felt like I was finally getting the hang of things. It was hard but deep down I knew that it was for the best.
I cried the most when I had to say good-bye to my teachers and especially Pres. Dickerson. I had grown to love he and Marci very much. When my parents arrived I didn't want to leave but most of my district helped me take my things to the car and to say good-bye. I am sure they went on to be amazing missionaries. The hardest time was when I met with my stake president at a Denny's in the Salt Lake Valley so that he could release me as a missionary. I cried so hard. I think I probably cried most of the way to Nevada.
I spent the week in Nevada recovering and then returned to Emery County, Utah so that I could see my doctor and hopefully get cleared to go back out and serve. I got the okay from the doctor and the called my stake president, Allan Sharp, to let him know I was ready to go. I wasn't able to get hold of him so I left a message. I was getting anxious to be on my way. When he finally returned the call I was told that I wouldn't be returning right away as I had thought I would. They felt like I needed to have some more counseling and that then they would see about sending me on a trial mission if the counselor felt like I could handle it. I was devastated once again.
I did learn a lot during my time in the MTC. I strengthened my testimony of my Savior, Jesus Christ. And I gained a friendship with a wonderful man and his wife. I know that I was called to the Arizona Tucson Mission, if for no other reason, so that I could be a  part of a wonderful branch and come to know these wonderful people, Bruce and Marci Dickerson. They are my heroes!

--Doctrine & Covenants 9:8-9, 13-14
"...you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you should feel that it is right.
"But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong...
"Do this thing which I have commanded you, and you shall prosper. Be faithful, and yield to no temptation.
"Stand fast in the work wherewith I have called you...and you shall be lifted up at the last day. Amen."
(Scripture I learned in the MTC.)

So today has been a good day up until a few hours ago. It started like any other day. I got up and got ready and then went to work only to find out that I didn't have to work today. I stopped on my way home and got a world famous Butterfinger doughnut and Pepsi/Dr Pepper with pebble ice. At noon I went to book club where I enjoyed good food and company. I came home and took a nap. Nothing to be worried or depressed about.
Ever since I woke up from my nap I have been feeling anxious and a little down. I don't know what caused these feelings but I really don't like them. This is how I live. One minute I will be just fine and then the next I will be having a self pity party. I never know what will trigger these emotions or even when they will happen.
People have told me to try and eliminate the triggers but how do I do that when they aren't always the same? After living this way most of my life you would think I would have things figured out. Well I don't. I wish I did.
It used to drive me crazy. I didn't think anyone truly understood what I go through. Well-meaning people would tell me that if I would eat better or exercise more I wouldn't feel like that. What really bugged me though was when people would say things like, "You just need to pray more," or "You need to go to church, the temple, read your scriptures, etc. more." If it were that easy I don't think anybody would have depression. What works for some doesn't necessarily work for all.
Now I know I could do better at all of the above but there is more to it for me. I have to take medication and go to counseling. I have been seeing my regular doctor on a weekly basis since the last suicide attempt so that he can monitor my meds. I see my therapist 2-4 times a month. I go to the physical therapist's office to work out about three times a week. I attend church regularly and now work once a week in the temple. So why am I still depressed?
I titled this entry the way I did because that is the best way I know how to describe it. Some days I feel like I'm on my way up and others are on the way down. There are twists and turns along the way. Sometimes I feel like I am hanging on for dear life and others I sit back and enjoy the ride. The thing about this ride is that sometimes I feel like I am going down and will never go back up.
I am doing what I can to seek help. to find a way off the roller coaster and on to a more calm and peaceful ride. I am trying to do better at doing the things I know I should. I am especially trying to put more faith and trust in my Savior, Jesus Christ.
While I was serving my mission I came across a scripture that has since become one of my favorites. It is in Alma chapter 7:

 11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer. He lives and loves me. He is always there to succor me because He knows exactly what I am going through. I used to forget that the He Atoned for more than just our sins. I am grateful that I can be forgiven of my wrong-doings but I am even more grateful to know that there is someone who knows and understands everything else I go through in this life.

So I have decided to start a blog to share some of my thoughts and feelings about overcoming the adversities in my life. I want to start by sharing a few of my favorite quotes and scriptures.

"Life is full of difficulties, some minor and others of a more serious nature. There seems to be an unending supply of challenges for one and all. Our problem is that we often expect instantaneous solutions to such challenges, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required." -President Thomas S. Monson

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." - John 14:27

As many of you may know, this past November I intentionally overdosed on Tylenol and some other random pills. I have struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life. I was going through some difficult times and I decided I didn't want to live with the trials anymore. I went to one of my favorite places where I usually go to try and feel peace. I then took the pills with half a bottle of cough syrup.
I don't really remember much about that day. I had written a text to my counselor, bishop, and stake president that I had intended to send when I thought it would be too late. I must have sent it because I vaguely remember answering a phone call from my stake president asking me where I was and to stay there because he had help coming. I kind of remember wondering why he sounded like he was crying. I sort of remember getting in the ambulance but that is about it.
This all happened on a Friday morning. The next thing I recall was waking up in ICU and it was Saturday. My first thought was how did I get here and then as I remembered I felt disappointment that I had not succeeded.
Since that day I have had a lot of ups and downs. I still have a long way to go to overcome this adversity in my life. I have been seeing my doctor and counselor on a regular basis. I am also seeking help from my church leaders. I am trying each day to trust in the Lord. I know if I can have enough faith I can overcome anything through the Atonement of my Savior, Jesus Christ.
Today is a good day overall. I have a headache and can't talk very well due to a cold and sinus infection, but the feelings of depression and anxiety are small. I won't guarantee that every post will be positive. I also will try not to post a lot of negative. The main reason I am starting this is for my own benefit. If I can help someone else in return, all the better.
Thanks for reading!