We arrived in plenty of time to go through security and check in and then were shown where to wait. We were told that things were running behind and so we would have to wait a little longer. That wasn't what I wanted to hear. My anxiety levels were already high and waiting definitely does not help. After waiting for what seemed like forever, one of the security guides led me and my mom to a room where they had a monitor set up for the video teleconference.
The judge came on and introduced himself and asked me to introduce Mom. He asked if I had someone to represent me and I told him no. He then proceeded to tell me that 90 percent of the cases that he hears have representation. He then told me that they had not received any information or records about my case since April 2013. I was confused. I had been contacted in April or May of this year telling me when the hearing was scheduled for. Along with that I filled out some papers and gathered information from the hospital and sent it in with the understanding that they would get the rest of my records. Apparently they didn't receive any of that.
By this time my anxiety was through the roof. I was crying and having a hard time understanding and concentrating. The only thing I heard was that the judge was going to postpone the hearing for 30-60 days to give me time to get representation and all my current records. I was devastated!
We left the room and I broke down. I could feel the room spinning and I couldn't breathe. I was crying uncontrollably as well. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to die right then. It wasn't fair. That wasn't how it was supposed to go. I had thought that the judge would either grant the benefits or completely deny them. I was hoping for the first.
The next little while was a blur. I remember Mom suggesting that we go to Temple Square, which was just a few blocks away. I remember thinking that that was exactly what I needed. We arrived and I immediately went into the North Visitors Center. The only thought I remember having was that I needed to see the Christus and listen to the message. I just knew that if I could do that I would be able to calm down.
When we walked in, Dad and Mom went to get a wheelchair for Mom. While I was waiting one of the sister missionaries came over and started talking to me. I don't remember a thing she talked about. I just remember her saying I looked like I needed a hug. I received a few from her in the time we talked. I vaguely remember her asking if there was anything she could do and Mom asking her to pray. She took down our names and gave me another hug before letting us go.
i walked up the circular ramp to the Christus statue and found a place to sit near the window in the back in front of the Christus. I began to feel a little better and tried to just feel the Spirit. I mostly ignored the other people and just looked and then listened as the message was played. I tried to record a video but I don't think it turned out that good.
Before we left I asked if we could go through the exhibit "God's Plan for His Families". It had been one of my favorites on my mission. It has been updated and so it was a little different, but the main message is the same. We left after that and went to lunch.
We stayed with my brother's family the rest of the week and had some fun times. I had a lot of moments when I felt really depressed though. By the time we came home and I had a chance to really think about things I realized that what everybody kept telling me was probably true. That it was probably for the best.
I have contacted a law firm and have been assigned an attorney. They are in the process of gathering my records. A few days after coming home I received notice of the new hearing date. I feel better about things now and hope that everything turns out.
I will try and not wait as long before I post again. There are a few things I want to say but don't feel like changing the subject of this post. Until the next time I am including a few pictures that I took at Temple Square.